Dearest Friend

Dearest Friend – you know who you are –  the one that I have not heard from since you delivered such tragic news last time we spoke. I have gone through my own roller coaster of emotions since you shared this news with me – denial, sadness, anger, and I am not sure if I will ever get to acceptance. I know things must be terribly difficult and hard to process – or maybe you have come to peace with this. I am sure everyone is rushing to your side trying to be a friend during this time.

I feel very far away from you. I haven’t heard from you since that one conversation and my mind has been reeling. How are you dealing with this all? How are you spending your days? When will I get to see you again?

I don’t understand the ways of this world – when such tragedy falls on such an undeserving, beautiful person. This is where I struggle in my faith, struggle in knowing the purpose of a higher power. I am reminded that our lives are ours to live fully – and you have led such a fabulous life! I also know that this faith gave me you in my life – just when I needed you. I love the journey we have been on together and separately in our friendship and know that there is purpose and meaning in it that will continue to unfold over the years.

My dear friend, I imagine that it is too difficult to share this part of your life with many people right now – I understand. I understand that I am thousands of miles away and am not able to be with you in the dailiness of this struggle. But please understand that I hold you in my thoughts daily. I am with you as best I know how to be right now.

And so now I must let go of my selfishness to want to know everything that is going on with you and be at peace that you are making decisions that are best for you during this time. I will refrain from continuing my incessant emails and messages to you that have gone unreturned, because I am sure each day is so precious as well as exhausting.

With all the love in my being for you and every ounce of ability to be unselfish – I want to release you from any guilt or struggle in responding to me. (And this little post is the best way I know how to get that message across to you – because I know you read these!) I love you dearly and that is all I need you to know. And all I need to know you know.

One last thing that I know deep down you do know: You have been the sunflower to my rocky terrain – shining your beauty in the hardest of circumstances.

Thank you for being in my life. I know that even in the unknown of what comes next we will see each other again.

I love you dear friend.

 

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