Adventure or Irresponsibility?

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Some would call it adventure, others just plain irresponsible – moving half way around the world without a job to a place where we just want to be and live. I am now calling it a little bit of both. Thanks to a fabulous friend we have a free place to stay for a few weeks in Denver – our ultimate destination is Boulder, 30 minutes away. We have been here in this apartment with a little room filled with what is left of most of our earthly possessions for a week now. A few months ago this idea was rather romantic – sell everything we have and move continents to a city that we chose because of the lifestyle and setting – not because of a job. We wanted to redefine the purpose of life – to not let work dictate our lives and where we live. Now reality is hitting – romance has flown the coupe. And here I sit having an internal battle asking myself “what the hell were we thinking?” and the other side saying, “be in this place – it’s an adventure – you are giving the universe a chance to let life unfold without you controlling it!”

We have spent the last week looking for a place to live – that one was too small, this one too expensive, the other one really dirty but big, that one in a bad location. If we pay just $200 more look at how much more we get! Do we want views – of course we do, we are living on the edge of the Rockies! Do we want to sacrifice size for location? Thousands of silly questions and decisions that seem to add up to a ridiculous cost of living. All the while searching for housing before we have even landed a job.

What came first – the job or the house? How much faith do we have in this process? At what point are we being foolish? The internal battle begins again – “leap and the net will appear” but is there a point at which we leap too far and wisdom says that we should have stayed in a tiny bedroom, 30 minutes from the city that we want to live in, until we have full time jobs. Does wisdom say – you don’t need the hardwood floors, new appliances, and 1100 square feet of space for the next year until you’ve earned it in America? We may have earned it in South Africa – but this is new terrain. Or do we take a risk, take a chance – isn’t that what an adventure is all about?

And then I am reminded – as I toss and turn in bed attempting to sleep the day away and push away the anxiety that keeps trying to creep into bed with me – we are in Colorado! The sun is now shining and there are millions of beautiful (free) things to do outside and life to be lived. The people here are happy and healthy (one of the big reasons we moved here) and grumbling in bed is not giving me the chance to be the same.

So as I sit here and type this – comforter pulled up to my arm pits, hair in a mess – I vow to get out of bed today put on my running shorts, t-shirt, hat and tie up my shoes and get running out there with all of those happy health people and enjoy the day! Sitting here moaning and questioning doesn’t get me any closer to a solution. And then after the run I will sit down and keep applying for jobs, looking at housing online, and have faith that we made the right choice.

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