Be Here Now

Holding him in the middle of the night, anxiety and anger had begun to build at the sleep he had stolen from me. How could such a tiny beautiful creature be so incredibly mean? How could something that came from me rob me of so much so quickly? I had already sacrificed my waist line,…

Sometimes at Sea

Sometimes we would sail in one direction and then have to change course due to the wind. Sometimes just the smell of the salty ocean breeze and wind in my hair would bring that fantastic excitement I felt as a child on a roller coaster ride, and sometimes it would do the opposite and deposit a ton of lead filled with fear in the bottom of my belly. Sometimes the sounds of the creaking hull, the slap of the water and the thud of the rough landing would shutter the entire boat, the sails would dip into the water on the starboard side and I was sure we would pitch pole, or worse, just snap in half.

Istanbul – A Little Love Story

The guy behind the counter barely speaks English and so I smile more, speak a little slower, and hope he understands my question. How much does it cost to get to the Blue Mosque? I am surrounded by foreigners, in a foreign country, and I am doing something that most wouldn’t… especially while pregnant.

Family as my Guru

Over the last few months I have been open and even seeking a guide or a teacher for my life. Having grown up in the church I am beginning to understand the benefits of the “pastor” but have pulled away from religion. I have seen how so many friends and colleagues have found guidance in…

Answers before the question

I love discovering new things, learning new facts and collecting information. But lately I have realized that sometimes in this search for answers, I’ve forgotten why I am searching. Last week I was busy telling Jesse what I thought the answer was to an issue we were having in our relationship and in his profound…

Grieving, acceptance and finally forgiveness

So I think I’ve reached the height of my anger about my past and am rather sick of my depressing rants about my family and extreme religious beliefs. (You’re probably getting sick of my rants as well!) I’ve made a choice – I am moving on. There are supposedly 5 stages to the grieving process: Denial,…

Unravelling Religion and the Poisonwood Bible

I have just finished the remarkable story of The Posionwood Bible, by Barbara Kingsolver. Reading the last few lines and then setting the book down is hard to do after finding so much of my own history resonating within the voices of the four female narrators in the book. The journeys of these women can be…

Paradox

I just opened this little meditation from Richard Rohr this morning… and find it very synchronistic and timely with my post on Opposites yesterday. PARADOX God is the only one we can surrender to without losing ourselves. It’s a paradox. I am increasingly convinced that all true spirituality has the character of paradox to it,…

Opposites

We live in a world of contradictions, of opposites. This idea has been haunting me over the last month. More strongly now, as I consider life in the face of a week of death: first a dear friend, then another dear friend’s mother, another friend loses her grandmother. A very hard week, indeed. And I find…

A grey day

It’s grey today in Boulder. It’s very unusual for the sun to not be shining. But today it feels appropriate. My mood, my demeanor, I am grey today. The sky and I are mutually mourning the loss of a piece of sun disappearing from the earth. Her name is… was… Simone. She lived only 43…

Dearest Friend

Dearest Friend – you know who you are –  the one that I have not heard from since you delivered such tragic news last time we spoke. I have gone through my own roller coaster of emotions since you shared this news with me – denial, sadness, anger, and I am not sure if I…

A Letter from My Former Self

Several months ago I took part in a Woman’s Spiritual Retreat weekend at the Buddhist Retreat Centre in Ixopo, South Africa. It was one of those monument building moment in one’s life. I had no clue what to expect when I arrived. In fact, the only type of retreat’s I had ever been on had been christian…